But Sweet for Certain
by tmcala
Summary: <html><head></head>/Until then, I'm going to write this book about our lives so that you, the masses, can read and enjoy./ -Wendy's perspective. Candy, Benny, minor!Stutters-</html>
1. Chapter 1

**Chaper 1**

I'm Wendy Cartman. I'm nineteen years old and three and a half months pregnant. I live with my husband, Eric (or, as you may know him, Cartman); my best friend, Bebe; and her boyfriend, Kenny. We live in an off campus apartment on the bad side of town. It's not a huge deal since we all grew up in South Park, where there isn't even really a bad side of town because everything is equally shitty. I'm not taking classes right now, because Eric fancies himself a controlling prick, but everyone else is. Bebe is studying interior design. Cartman and Kenny are studying to be a lawyer and doctor, respectively. I was planning on becoming an editor. I guess I still can someday, after this baby comes. Until then, however, I'm going to write this book. So that you, the masses, can read and enjoy.

I was asleep when Eric and Kenny left for classes this morning. I usually am. I was a very driven morning person before this pregnancy. Bebe and I have the apartment to ourselves from 7 to 9 every weekday morning, and I usually sleep through all of this. I woke up a little earlier than usual this morning.

"Hey, Bebe," I greeted, glancing in her direction. When we got to high school, Bebe got into an artistic phase. She's a bit of a hippy. Not a hippy like Eric things I am, a real hippy. She can pull it off though because she's beautiful. Anyway, she always wears interesting clothes that she usually makes herself. Bebe uses anything cheap that she can get her hands on, iron-ons, beads, feathers. This morning she had on an electric blue t-shirt with beads sewn everywhere. Her blonde curls were pulled into a bun atop her head.

"Hey! You're up early, sleeping beauty." She smiled at me.

"I know," I groaned. "The shower woke me. Usually it doesn't."

Bebe wrinkled her nose in thought. "That is kind of weird. You've been sleeping like the dead lately. It's a good thing though, I guess, because you can hear the Spawn of Cartman crying." Bebe never referred to my baby as anything other than "The Spawn of Cartman". I wondered if she thought I'd actually name it that. She had some issues dealing with my relationship with Eric. It was a surprise when I dumped Stan Marsh for him, but she was mostly over it. Especially because we had a theory Stan was gay.

"I wish you'd be nice to the baby," I murmured for the thousandth time, running a hand over my barely visible baby bump.

My friend frowned. "You said you'd give me as much time as I wanted to get over the whole 'I'm in love with Eric Cartman' thing. This is a coping technique." She skipped over to the table with a bowl of cereal.

"Well, you have 5 months to be done coping. I don't want my baby to be a serial killer because you called it 'spawn'."

After breakfast, Bebe headed to class, leaving me alone. I turned on the TV and watched a cooking show. Eric doesn't know how to cook. And I'm about 95% sure he will never be tempted to learn. He's not quite as spoiled and mean as when we were kids, but some things never change. Basically, I'll be cooking for the duration of our marriage.

Eric comes home around noon to change his books and eat lunch. He brings his friends with and they make me feed them. Normally, I would _so _not comply. But my life is sadly very dull and I have nothing better to do. Usually, I don't make them anything special because for boys, food is food. As long as there is lots of it, they're good. Today, though, I was kind of in the mood to impress them (or at least impress Butters, he'd appreciate something nice).

I started cooking around 11. I put spinach on 6 paper plates and then crumbled blue cheese on top of that. I added pecans and then peeled, and sliced, pears. I topped it off with vinaigrette. When I was done, I ate mine. Being pregnant makes me so hungry all the time. I put the salads on the table with placemats that Bebe had decorated. I also left a bunch of other food out on the counter, since I knew Eric would whine about a little salad not being enough food. Kenny probably would too. I heard the guys pounding up the stairs. I sat down on the couch with a magazine.

The front door flew open and Eric, Kenny, Stan, Kyle, and Butters ran in. They crowded around the table, eager to see what I'd made for them.

"This looks good, Wends." Stan noted. Stan was studying environmental science. Secretly, I thought this was kind of a joke. What does someone do with a degree in that?

"W-would it be alright if we ate it?" Butters questioned from his typical position at Stan's side. The two had become strangely close in the last couple months.

"Duh, fuckface. This is seriously awesome, Wendy," Kenny commented with a full mouth. His salad was already halfway gone. Kenny ate more or less anything that was set in front of him; Eric was a little pickier than that.

I didn't hear a single word from any of them as they ate for five minutes. When they were done, they rinsed their plates and placed them in the sink before joining me on the couch to watch TV. Eric sat down next to me. The couch held five people, but it was a tight fit. A minor fist fight ensued between Stan, Kenny, and Kyle, during which Butters pulled a chair over from the table. It was kind of sad that he expected to lose…but at least he was being realistic. In the end, Stan won the fight, I think, but it didn't matter anyway.

"Dude. That guy with the gun was fucking scary," Kyle commented.

"You saw a guy with a gun?" I didn't like making a big deal out of such things, since I usually pretended like I was perfectly fine living on the bad side of town. Eric and Kenny were already stressed about enough things; I didn't want to make it seem like we needed a better apartment.

"Yeah, outside the building," Eric replied. "Don't worry, babe. I could've taken him if he had tried anything."

The boys all erupted into laughter and I raised my hand to my mouth so Eric wouldn't notice that I was struggling to hold my own in. "Sure you could, fat ass," Kenny scoffed.

"Shut your goddamn mouth, poor boy." This is probably a good spot for the Eric Explanation. He's not that fat anymore. Big, sure. Eric Cartman would not be Eric Cartman if he wasn't large. But it really is more on the "buff" side of things now and he is impressively tall. Only Stan is taller than Eric. He's still mean most of the time, but not all that often to me. And loud and obnoxious. But, for whatever reason, I love him. It's kind of hard to understand, believe me, I know.

"Hey," I started, breaking up a potential fight that would probably happen later anyway, "let's just be thankful no one got shot."

Kenny flipped up the hood of his sweatshirt. "Not that it would've mattered," he mumbled.

"Kenny, stop being such an emo pussy. That's Stan's job," Kyle replied. Over the years, the intelligent, redheaded Jew had become really, really attractive, to top it all off. He knew it though and since he was pretentious enough before, it was almost painful to be around Kyle on occasion. He was kind of a womanizer, except a bisexual one. Who usually swung for the gay team, especially when he was drunk, which he was quite often.

"Please, Wendy, he wouldn't have just capped some random kids," Eric replied, blatantly staring at my boobs. It was a new pastime of his, since my being pregnant had made them bigger (moving up from near non-existence prior).

"You're a pig," I told him.

The guys broke into laughter. "You're supposed to be at least a little fucking discreet, fat ass," Kyle laughed.

"Glancing was created for a reason," Kenny added.

Eric raised an eyebrow at his friends as his face turned red. "Ay! Stop glancing or whatever the fuck you do at my girl's awesome rack! Got it, r-tards?"

Stan, Kyle, and Kenny quieted down quickly. "Bebe's is nicer anyway," Kenny muttered into his hood.

"Can you all kindly shut up?" I asked, wriggling myself out of the couch. I was quickly replaced with Butters, who is smaller than me nowadays. Lovely.

The door opened. Bebe was back from her classes for the day. Thank the fucking Lord. I ran over to my blonde friend. "Hi!"

Bebe shot me a glare and headed towards the bedroom that she shared with Kenny. Eric and Kenny looked at me over their shoulders, obviously telling me to solve this problem, so I followed her in. "What's the matter?" I asked.

She looked at me, her chocolate colored eyes filling with tears. "None of my pieces made it in to the art show," Bebe cried.

I sat down next to her on the bed and she rested her head on my shoulder. "That's alright, honey. The people picking the pieces obviously have no taste. Your stuff is beautiful; it's just different. We can hang it here. All over the fucking walls if you want."

A watery giggle escaped Bebe's lips, before she caught herself. She lay down on the bed, turning on the small TV and flipping through channels. "My work _was _different from the others, I suppose."

I heard some of the guys leave. "I'm going to go sit with Eric for a little bit. You know how he gets when no one pays attention to him," I smiled.

Bebe nodded and I passed by Kenny on my way back to the couch. I guessed he was going to spend some time with Bebe before heading back to class. As in, they were going to have a quickie. Or Kenny was going to suggest it. "Thanks, Wends," he said.

I craned my neck in order to glance up at Kenny. He was a good guy, despite the overpowering sex drive. He made Bebe happy and that was enough for me. "Sure, Kenny."

"What was Bebe having her period about?" Eric asked from the kitchen where he was working his way through a bag of chips.

I shook my head disapprovingly, which earned me the finger. "She didn't make the art show." I walked over to the mattress on the floor where Eric and I slept. For some reason, Bebe and Kenny got the bedroom, even though Eric and I lived here first. It had something to do with Kenny needing somewhere to wake up after dying or something completely ridiculous like that.

"What a whiny bitch. Hey, are you going back to sleep?" Eric looked slightly concerned, which was a feat for him. He only ever looked remotely concerned when it had to do with me or food.

"Maybe, my back hurts," I answered. I closed my eyes.

When I woke up from my nap, no one was home. I looked at the clock; it was 7. Eric didn't come back from his afternoon classes until 8. Bebe and Kenny had probably gone out to dinner or to the bar. I laid back down and fell asleep again. The second time I got up, I was greeted by blaring emo kid music. "Jesus Christ, turn this off, please!" I moaned. I opened my eyes to find about 20 people in the room.

"Oh, hey, babe. You're up," Eric said, walking towards the mattress.

"So it would appear," I replied. I walked into the bathroom to find Kyle and some guy making out. I couldn't tell if Kyle was drunk, but the other guy definitely was. There weren't that many gay guys in the area, but apparently if you're drunk enough, Kyle starts to look pretty feminine. Kyle liked his guys drunk. I headed over to Bebe and Kenny's bathroom instead; the door was shut so I knocked, no wanting to interrupt anything.

"Just a second!" Bebe's voice called. She opened the door wearing Kenny's orange zip-up. Kenny was in boxers.

I rolled my eyes at the pair. "Classy. And, isn't it a little early?" I let myself into the master bathroom.

"Not really," Kenny replied. "You slept through half the party. It was pretty awesome; you totally missed out. Butters is fucking _plastered_." He laughed, but I could tell he was kind of mad at me for barging in. They have sex more than Eric and I, which is why they got the bedroom. But, it is still my house, so I should get to use their bathroom whenever my little heart desires, I think.

Before walking out of the room, to leave my friends to have drunk sex all night long, I glanced at the clock. Midnight! No wonder I was absolutely starving. I dug through our fridge for a few seconds before slamming it closed with frustration. "Eric! You ate all the goddamn food, asshole!" I yelled.

"Tough love, ho," he joked, sending a bag of chips my direction. I caught them and sat at the table with a pout. Eric came up behind me and rubbed my shoulders. "Wendy, come lay down with me. Please?"

Truthfully, everyone knew that Eric Cartman's begging was nearly impossible to resist, but I usually tried to put up a fight. "I'm eating," I snapped.

"Baby, come eat in bed." He placed a kiss against my neck. I sighed, pushing myself up from the table and following him over to our mattress.

"Can we turn this awful music off first? Who decided this was even music?"

"It's Stan's. Fucking emo pussy." Eric said this as if it explained everything. It kind of did. Stan had embraced the inner emo kid that had always been inside him. Eric went over to our shitty stereo and changed the music to something a little more manageable.

Eric pulled me up against his back once we'd laid down. "Bebe called the baby 'Spawn of Cartman' again this morning. Maybe if we pick a name, she'll stop?" I suggested, rubbing my cheek against Eric's arm.

"I'm not in a rush," he murmured into my ear. "I'd like to have some time left with just my girl before the little monster takes over our lives."

Eric was so charming. Excuse my sarcasm.

"Wends!" Stan called. I sighed and removed myself from Eric's grasp. Stan was the most high-strung out of everyone, surprisingly. It happened sometime after Kyle decided he was going to be a huge slut. Stan felt like he needed to take care of everyone since Kyle didn't anymore. Butters was the most mother hen-like, but he tended to get smashed at every party we went to. "Butters spilled beer on the rug."

I sighed again and got up to grab the stain remover. Butters was an interesting drunk. He was clingy and he usually cried and he acted slutty and he _always_ spilled things. It was like every drunk stereotype rolled up into one tiny little flamer. After cleaning the spill, I wandered back to my bed. Eric had been replaced by two randoms more or less having sex with their clothes on. I walked around looking for Eric. The door to Bebe and Kenny's room was open so I went in. A few seconds later, Kenny came in. He had a spill down the front of his shirt.

"Butters is having a meltdown," he said, gesturing to the spill. "He through a cup of beer at me."

"Where's Bebe?" I asked.

"Trying to get some people to leave. There are people here that none of us fucking recognize."

I nodded. "There are people dry humping on my bed."

Kenny grinned slightly at my choice of words. "I'll take care of that for ya, Wends," he said.

Soon after Kenny left, Eric arrived. "You're staying in here," he told me. "There are some major fucking sketchballs and I don't want them near you. Kenny, Bebe, Stan, the Jew, and I are trying to get them to leave. Butters is passed out on the couch. I'll come back for you later." Eric shut and locked the door and I curled up in the center of Bebe and Kenny's bed. I tried not to think about how many times they'd had sex in this very spot. If I was going to be locked in here, I could at least get some sleep on a real bed for once.

When I woke up for the 3rd time that night, Eric was moving me to our mattress. "Sorry, babe. I tried not to wake you."

"It's OK," I muttered, snuggling into his chest. "Where are Be and Kenny?" The party had been cleared out and the apartment was silent.

"They took Butters home since the Jew left with some guy and Butters decided he was pissed at Stan. They'll back be soon," he replied. Eric climbed onto the mattress beside me and I fell asleep yet again.

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><p><strong>AN: Yes, this is very similar to one of my KND fics. But, I think it helps me work on characterization. Although, I fear it might be kinda OC. Older Cartman is always kind of hard to write. Who knows if he'll actually become a nice person or not?**

**I wrote this so that I could get over the disappointment that was the new South Park episode. Puke. And also because I'm having writer's block with everything else. I hope you liked it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The pattern of drops hitting the shower woke me up for the second morning in a row. What the fuck. I looked over at the alarm clock sitting on the floor. 6:45. Gross. Eric walked out of the bathroom, soaking wet. "Oh, Wendy. You're awake," he noticed.

"Sort of," I mumbled, rubbing sleep from my eyes. I raised an eyebrow. "Why do you not have a towel on?"

Eric blushed slightly. I liked when he blushed because he wasn't exactly a bashful person. I was about the only person who could make him red. "Well, when you and Bebe aren't up, Kenny and I don't really use them." He said this like it made completely sense. There was no way I was actually awake.

"So, you walk around stark naked?"

"It saves towels! Jeez, woman!" Eric whined.

I stared up at him incredulously. "I'd appreciate it if you told Kenny that I'm awake before I see something that I really don't need to see," I told him, pulling one of his huge sweatshirts over my bed head. I was in the mood for some eggs.

Once in the kitchen, I pulled out the skillet and cracked some eggs into it.

"I had cereal," Kenny's voice mentioned from behind me. I turned, hoping to God that he was wearing a towel. He was.

"Who said they were for you?" I asked.

Eric came up and wrapped his arms around my middle. I lifted my head and kissed his chin. "Yeah, get your own goddamn breakfast, po' boy," he laughed.

Bebe walked sleepily out of the bedroom; her curly blonde hair was absolutely huge. "Good morning, Bebe. Would you like some eggs?" I grinned cheekily at Kenny.

Eric, Bebe, and I ate our eggs and then I went back to sleep. 7 was way too early for me to be awake. I woke up again around 11. Bebe and Kenny were absent, but Eric, Butters, Stan, and Kyle were sitting on the couch watching some show. On Saturdays, Eric only had one class in the morning and then he was home for the rest of the day. One of our friends had organized a guys vs. girls football game that was taking place that night. Obviously, Eric was under no circumstances allowing me to play, but I was going to watch and go with everyone to the after party. The game wasn't until five, but I figured that it would be smart to get showered and dressed. I was about to step in the shower when Kyle walked into the bathroom to pee.

"BROFLOVSKI! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" I screamed, quickly grabbing a towel to cover myself.

He lifted the lid of the toilet. "Stop screaming. I just have to piss," he replied.

"Use the other fucking bathroom, asswipe!" I kicked his shin hard. I would've gone for the family jewels, but he was unfortunately too far away.

Kyle slammed the seat of the toilet down. "For the love of Moses, alright!" He stomped out of the bathroom mumbling, "Crazy bitch."

"Pig," I replied. In hindsight, I probably should've showered in the bathroom with a lock. I dried myself off, got dressed, and went to find some food. Opening the door to an empty fridge shouldn't be so expected. "There's never anything to eat around here!" I ranted, throwing open the cabinet doors. Finally, I found a box of pop-tarts. "Eric, how old are these?" I held them up.

Eric leaned over the back of the couch to look at me. "Oh! You found my pop-tarts!" He hopped over the couch and hurried into the kitchen. "Kenny will be so excited!" Grabbing the box out of my hands, he ripped open the packaging to reveal a glob of brown sugar cinnamon pop-tart moldy greenness. "Fucking weak, man," Eric sighed.

"Babe," I whined, pushing my nose into his shoulder, "I'm so hungry! What the hell am I supposed to eat?"

Eric ran his fingers along my head, comfortingly. "I'm sorry. My mom said something about bringing us some food some time soon. I don't know when that's happening though."

"She's probably too busy being a dirty slut," Stan whispered, earning giggles from Kyle.

"Ay!"

"Settle down!" I ordered. "And, that's all fine and fucking dandy, Eric. But, I need to eat now. Don't make me pull the pregnant card." I shot him a warning glare.

"W-we could go out to eat," Butters piped in for the first time that day. He was on the couch, curled up into Stan, and he looked like he had a hell of a hangover. Served him right, for spilling his beer. Yet again.

I grabbed my coat off the nearby hook. "Thank you, Butters Stotch!" I exclaimed. "At least someone knows how to keep a pregnant girl happy around here."

Stan and Kyle stood up and pulled on their shoes. "We should go to La Mesa," Stan said. "It's really cheap and on-campus."

"Or," Kyle began, "we could do the opposite of what Stan wants."

"Dude, fuck you," Stan replied.

Eric, Butters, and I laughed. "Only if you're totally wasted," Eric added. "We all know how the Jew likes his men."

Stan was slowly turning a little red. "Fuck all of you!" he ground out. He grabbed Butters roughly by the hand and dragged him out of the apartment.

Kyle watched them leave with a smirk. "They're so gay. Anyway, we'll catch up with them. C'mon."

"Are we going to that faggy mesa place?" Eric asked.

Kyle shrugged in response. "Wait, where are Kenny and Bebe?" I questioned. Another shrug. "I'm going to call her." I walked into the bedroom where it was quieter.

Eric followed me into the room. "Why do you have to call Bebe?"

I scrolled through my contacts, searching for "Stevens". I rarely called Bebe considering that we lived together. Plus, we mostly texted. "Fucking Kyle walked in on me in the bathroom and I don't really want to be around just him right now," I explained. I hadn't really wanted to tell Eric; things with him and Kyle had always been strained at best and explosive at worst. It was better to not stir the pot.

"THE JEW DID WHAT?" See? Explosive. Eric stomped out of the room, looking to kill, and I pressed the call button.

"Hey, where are you guys?" I asked, once Bebe had picked up. "We wanna go eat."

"Walking in the door as we speak," Bebe sang as the front door opened.

I grabbed her arm and dragged her into the bedroom; her curly blonde hair bounced behind her. Bebe laughed. "Que es tu problema, chica?"

I rolled my eyes at her poor sounding Spanish. "Oh, you know, not much. Besides Kyle walking into the bathroom and trying to pee while I was in the shower!"

Bebe's eyes grew wide. "Seriously? Did you get a good look at that ass?" She paused. "Oh, don't give me that look, Wends. Like you haven't noticed that boy has perfect assets." She was on a roll today with being annoying, between the bad puns and Spanish.

Eventually, we went out to eat. Afterwards, everyone else left for the football game. I decided not to go because I was very tired and my back was sore. I watched some TV and, surprise, surprise, fell asleep. The sound of the door opening woke me up. "Rise and shine, ho!" Eric called. Leaning over the back of the couch, he kissed my hair. "Feeling better?"

"A little," I replied. "How was the game?"

Eric rolled his eyes. "Some guys were being total pussies and wouldn't hit the girls, so we lost. But, we've been fucked into having the after party. Thanks to Butters, the town drunk, and Kyle, the village whore."

I patted him lightly on the shoulder and got up to change. The pants I was wearing were a little on the tight side, as most of my clothing was becoming. Bebe walked in the door and hung her coat on her hook. Everyone had their own hook next to the door, although I was the only one who cared about whose hook was whose. "I need pants," I told her.

Bebe's eyes followed up and down my body several times. "I don't know if I have any."

Eric was digging through the boxes that we keep our clothes in. He held up a pair of black sweatpants. "Eat your heart out," he said, handing them over to me.

"She can't wear those!" Bebe exclaimed.

"They're fine," I countered. However, Bebe still insisted on 'spicing them up' while we waited for people to arrive. I humored her because I was bored. Parties aren't very fun when you're married and pregnant. The other guys were first to arrive. Stan was toting an already tipsy Butters and Kyle had some dirty, sketchy guy with him. "We should invest in a tarp so Butters doesn't completely ruin our carpet," I said to Bebe.

"Seriously," she giggled. "What happened to our little Buttercup? He used to be so nervous and innocent. Now, he's nearly a lush and very obviously wants Stan's cock in his mouth."

I shook my head at her vulgarity. "He's still the same Butters deep down. Hanging out with these guys was bound to get to him eventually," I replied. We were sitting on my mattress, which had a perfect view of the door and the party. After around 20 people showed up, we decided to join in the fun. Bebe went off to find Kenny.

"What the fuck did you do to my pants?" a voice behind me cried.

I turned around. "Hey, I've been looking for you!" And, lo and behold, Eric was staring at my boobs. "Stop treating me like a fucking object!" I screamed.

Eric took a couple steps and pulled me into his chest. "A really fucking beautiful object," he murmured. I smiled slightly.

"Wendy!" Butters tottered over, a huge grin on his baby face. Obviously, it was 'happy drunk' night. "You should have something to drink," he slurred.

I giggled slightly at his forgetfulness. Eric shoved him. "Goddamn it, Butters. Wendy can't drink!"

Butters looked about to cry and I stood on my tiptoes to whisper in Eric's ear. "Let's go lay down. He's obviously drunk, OK?"

I dragged him over to our bed and we sat down. "I don't get why Stan lets him get so drunk," Eric pouted. After a little liquor, Eric was always more sensitive. I didn't mind it.

"It isn't exactly Stan's job to watch Butters, babe. You could watch out for him too," I replied.

Eric gave me a look like he thought I was insane. "If Stan is going to have butt sex with Butters, he could at least make sure he didn't get into too much trouble. I'm right."

And, that conversation ended. "How are you feeling today?" he asked after a while. Drowsiness had invaded his voice, which also always made him a little nicer.

"I'm OK," I murmured, snuggling into him. "Do you ever worry about whether we're completely fucking this up? What if we're doing everything wrong?"

Eric pressed a kiss against the back of my head. "Listen, ho, I know this wasn't how we wanted everything to be, but I think you're doing a pretty damn good job and I plan on being awesome at parenthood."

I giggled. "Of course you do."

When we fell asleep, people were starting to clear out the party. I woke up at about noon the following day and everyone was watching TV. "Bebe, come here!" I called from my spot on the mattress.

My friend glanced over from the couch. "Hey, I didn't know you were up!" She hopped off Kenny's lap and walked over to join me.

"I think I just felt the baby move," I muttered, roaming my hands across my small bump to find the movement.

Bebe cocked an eyebrow and placed her hands upon my belly as well. "I don't know if that 's possible so early, Wends," she replied. "Oh, Spawny!" she called to my belly. "This is your Auntie Bebe and we are all very excited for your arrival!"

Eric walked by and rolled his eyes at the blonde. "Stop calling the kid that, slut," he warned her.

"Stop calling me slut, fat ass, and then maybe we'll talk," Bebe responded.

The pair walked back to the couch, leaving me on the mattress. "Has anyone eaten yet?" I asked. I walked over to the fridge with the hope that we had magically acquired food over night. No dice.

"No," Kyle replied.

I swung the door of the fridge shut in frustration. "Be, want to go shopping for groceries with me?" I went to the bathroom to change and wash my face. When right outside, I stopped. "What the fuck happened to the door?"

The boys broke out in giggles. "It fell off the hinges last night when you were sleeping," Kenny laughed.

"That doesn't even make sense!" I yelled, exasperated. "How am I supposed to take a shower and stuff?"

Bebe handed me a ridiculous, decorated shirt to put on. "I guess you have to wake up before all these lame ass moochers show up," she said in response.

I rolled my eyes. "Did they ever even leave?"

My friend pulled on her bright pink converse and answered my rhetorical question, "I think so."

"I am not happy about this," I informed her. I dug around to find some pants that still fit me.

"Well," Bebe smiled, "I have no problem keeping Kenny in bed for a little longer every morning, if you catch my drift."

I smacked her lightly on the arm and groaned. We stood by the door. "One of you boys needs to go grocery shopping with us."

Kyle laughed. "Yeah…no."

"Would you like me to remind you of our friend from yesterday? The armed one?" I asked.

Bebe's brown eyes widened. "There was a guy with a gun?" I forgot she hadn't heard that story. "I plan on living until I'm on hundred, assholes. And that day is not today!" I like to think that I sort of trained Bebe in to her sometimes bitchy ways. I'm proud.

"Fine," Stan moaned. He grabbed a sweatshirt off the back of his chair.

"Thanks, Stan!" Bebe and I chorused.

By the time we got back from shopping, I was more or less dead, considering we had no car and I was carrying a few extra pounds on me. "Wends, you look like shit," Eric noticed as we entered the apartment.

"That's nice of you to say," I grumbled in reply. I placed a hand on my belly.

When we finished eating, it was around 4 and I was due for a nap. All the guys left after lunch. "Wendy!" Eric's voice yelled from the bathroom, waking me up.

I walked into the door-less bathroom. "Clothe yourself, please," I told him. "Bebe definitely doesn't want to see you." I reached up to flatten some of his brunette hair. He grinned and pulled me into his chest. "Stop! Stop it! You're getting me all wet!" I squealed. I pulled a towel around his hips and I dragged him out of the room.

I stopped on my way to our bed, realizing it was quieter than usual in the apartment. "Where're Bebe and Kenny?"

"They left while you were sleeping like the dead," Eric answered. He put on boxers and a red shirt.

I looked at the clock; it was 8. "I'm sorry, baby."

Eric took my face between his large hands. "Hey, ho, don't sweat it. Whatever's best for the kid, right? Anyway, poor boy and slut are getting me books to study for finals. I didn't want you to wake up alone."

"Oh, OK. Do you want something to eat?" My daily activities consisted of sleeping and eating. Weak.

"Yeah, make me a sandwich, woman," Eric barked.

He sat down at the table and I started making us each a sandwich. Later, I'd have to find a book to read or something. I couldn't distract Bebe, Kenny, and Eric from studying with the TV. "I think we should talk about names," I mentioned.

Eric dragged a pad of paper across the table towards him. "Hit me, babe. Unless you're into Adolf. I've always liked Adolf."

I laughed. "Shut up. What about…Raine? I like Raine," I smiled. I heard the pen scratch across the page.

"We're not having a girl though," Eric said. "I'm certain that's a boy in there. I like Max."

I thought it over, mouthing it a few times, feeling it on my tongue. "Max Cartman. It's nice."

He added it next to Raine. "Max it is." He set the paper down, when I brought him the sandwich, so that he could eat. The paper sat on the table for weeks before anyone noticed it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry this took like 8 years. Future updates should be much faster. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Bebe and I stood at the counter adding stick-on jewels to the new plates we had just bought. "What's this?" she asked, tearing a piece of paper off a pad. She handed it to me.

"Oh, these were possible names for the baby." I returned to bedazzling the plate.

"You picked them out? Without consulting me? I'm truly crushed, Wends. I thought we had something." Bebe gave the page a confused look. "I thought the devil child was a boy?"

I put the plate down. "It was forever ago, before we knew I was having a boy." I ran a hand along my large belly. "Max. Hey, Eric!" My husband walked into the kitchen, looking pissed. I'd forgotten about the fight we had earlier for a second. "He's Max."

"I know, ho," he grumbled. Eric yanked my ponytail almost-affectionately as he left the room.

Bebe gave me a look. "What the fuck was that about? He was…quiet, sort of." She placed a finished plate to the side.

I sighed, tightening my ponytail a bit. "I'll tell you later." The phone rang. A giggly girl on the other end asked for Kyle. I was slightly surprised, given that Kyle had been playing for the other team even more so than usual.

I handed the phone to Kyle and he went into Kenny and Bebe's bedroom to talk to the girl. When he was done, he handed the phone back to me. "Hang this up for me, would ya, Wends?"

I glared at him. "Um, no." I threw the phone at him, hitting him in the stomach.

"Bitch," he mumbled. "Hey guys," he said, turning off the TV, "some people are going over to Clyde's to toilet paper and some other crap." Clyde Donovan was the quarterback of the football team and any time the team won his friends would toilet paper his house. The boys had gotten over their fear of toilet papering because Clyde was too dumb to figure out he should call the cops when such things happened.

Stan grabbed his sweatshirt off the back of the couch. "Fuck yeah! I forgot they won!" The guys all got up and left, fighting about who got shotgun in Kyle's car.

The moment they left, Bebe grabbed my arm. "I have been _dying_ to tell you this all day!" she exclaimed. "Kenny proposed! Well, kind of. There was no ring….and it was in the middle of sex. But, when I brought it up later we seemed to take it seriously."

I was crabby today. Crabbier than usual, that is. "That's cool, Bebe."

"Wendy, I'm getting _married_!" she screamed. Bebe paused and waited for me to say something.

"I really am happy for you," I said lamely. The fight Eric and I had had early in the day wasn't good. It wasn't like our normal fights, stupid and easy to get over. This one had been bad. Tears started to fill my eyes. Stupid pregnancy hormones. "Be."

Concern flooded my friend's face. "What's up? You never cry." She was right. Bebe cried all the time, despite her snarky and smart exterior. I, however, could not remember the last time I had cried.

"Eric and I got in a fight today because he thinks I tried to get knocked up on purpose. Like he honestly said that to me. I have no idea where the fuck he would've gotten that idea from. Probably Kenny or the goddamn Jew." We had ended up in Bebe's room and I lay down on the bed.

Bebe glared at me. "Kenny would never say something like that. And, you didn't, right?" she asked.

"Bebe, what the fuck? Of course I didn't. I don't even know that I _ever_ wanted a baby, let alone right now! I'm nineteen and married and pregnant, Bebe. Don't you know how much that sucks? I just want to have fun and get fucking wasted!" Bebe hesitantly wrapped her arms around me. We'd been friends for years, but we weren't the touchy types.

"Was Eric just in a douchey mood today? Or how'd this topic come up?"

I sighed. "He just randomly asked me if I had been on the pill. And I hadn't been because, well, I had been with Stan and he's a fucking queer so it's not like he ever wanted to fuck."

"You never had sex with Stan?" Bebe questioned.

"I just let him tell people we had," I replied, shaking my head. "Anyway, he said I should've told him that. He called the baby a 'huge fucking mistake' and then I said our marriage was a mistake. It was awful. I can honestly say that I've never seen Eric Cartman that mad in my whole life."

Bebe's jaw dropped. "There's no way that is possible. I mean, he's done horrible things, Wendy. I'd say the only thing he hasn't done is straight up killed someone, but he's done that. And served the body parts to someone in the form of chili. Do you know how mad someone has to be to do that? I mean, you could be next. You better talk to him." She wiped a tear off my cheek.

"I don't give a shit. Whatever…" I whispered.

"Wends, I know I haven't been very supportive of you and Eric and this baby, but I know you two love each other. I see it every day. You can't find that with just anyone. This baby is a great thing and you are going to love him so much. So you need to fix things with Eric."

Later on, the guys came back and Bebe wanted to go out to that bars or wherever with them. I really wasn't feeling well at all, between just pregnancy stuff and the headache I'd gotten from crying so much. I didn't want to hold Eric back though. He left with Bebe and the others. I lay in bed and thought about what I could possibly say to Eric to fix this. He had been known to hold grudges. For a long time. All Kyle had to do was be Jewish, and Eric had hated him for years.

I answered the phone when it rang. It was Eric. "Come downstairs, bitch," he said. I was so thrilled to hear his voice that I didn't even give a comeback to his use of "bitch". I grabbed my jacket off my assigned hook, after digging through several of Kenny's coats first. Eric was waiting downstairs in the lobby. Taking my hand, he led me out of our building. We walked for a while, towards the good side of town. I had no idea where we were going or if Eric was still mad at me.

"Where on earth are we going, Eric?" I asked out of curiosity, but also because my feet were starting to hurt.

"Hold your horses, woman. You'll see." He was studying the number on each building intently. Eric led me to the door of a very nice apartment complex. We entered the elevator and he pressed 5.

"Eric!" I whined. "Are we going to a party or something? I'm really not in the mood."

The doors opened. "No, we aren't." Eric pulled a key out of his pocket as we walked down the hall. How the hell did he have a key to this apartment? He dragged me inside. "Welcome home, babe," he said. He looked down at me for approval. That was rare.

In the front hall were a crib, stroller, care seat, and other things we'd need for Max. When I had gotten over the initial shock, I turned to face Eric. "Oh my god, Eric. This is-this is perfect. Amazing."

"You really like it?" Eric felt guilty. I could tell.

"I love it, baby." I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck, sighing into his smell. "How can we afford this, though?" All our extra money, which wasn't much at all, went toward our "buy a safer apartment" fund. I didn't think there was enough in there to pay for all this.

"Well, some relative of mine bit it and apparently there was shit loads of money. So my mom used whatever they gave her to buy us this apartment, and I used our apartment fund to buy all this baby shit." He smiled at me.

I smiled back. "I can't believe this is all ours, baby!" I exclaimed.

Eric placed his hands on my shoulders. "I love you, Wendy. More than fucking anything. I want our kid to have everything it could possibly want. And, about earlier, I'm s-s-so-sor…" he trailed off.

I could not think of a single occasion on which Eric Cartman had apologized. "Forget about it. We both said stupid things." I stood and glanced around. "How big is this place?"

"It's got everything. 3 bed, 3 bath, kitchen, family room, and laundry room. Everything my woman could want," he stated.

"Two things: One, that's huge! Two, I'm not 'your woman'." Eric grabbed my hand to pull me through our mansion of an apartment.

"There's our room." I peered inside. The bed alone was enough for me after months of sleeping on that goddamn mattress. "This'll be the kid's room…and this is Kenny and Bebe's room."

"Bebe and Kenny are staying!" I honestly couldn't have wished for a better day. I regretted so much telling Eric that our marriage was a mistake. If he was a mistake, he was the best one I'd ever made.

Even though we weren't moving for a couple weeks, Bebe and I were very excited and started planning everything for the move. She had screamed and literally jumped on me when I told her about the apartment. We moved all the baby stuff into the nursery and bought paint when it was on sale. Bebe was looking forward to painting Max's walls. Eric got a raise at work and graciously (he was still in his guilty, buying-me-things phase) let me buy a slip cover for the hideous couch and a new rug. However, Bebe and I decided it would be best to put these things away whenever we had parties and Butters was drinking. Our old stuff could stand the stains, these could not.

Around that time, I entered my third trimester and the baby was pummeling the shit out of my insides with his little feet. I was getting anxious. I wanted my baby out now.

"What the fuck is this?" Eric asked, approaching me with an empty booze bottle in hand.

"Where'd you find it?" I asked, turning it over in my hands. It was cheap vodka. Not the kind of stuff I drank, before I was pregnant, obviously.

"I was over by our mattress; I'm trying to get the last of our shit packed up. You haven't been drinking, right?" Eric looked at me with his piercing brown eyes. His tone wasn't as accusing as usual. I sensed a bit of worry.

"Hell no!" I placed both of my palms against my huge belly, protectively. "Like what the fuck, Eric? That's probably from some party or something." I tossed it in the trash just as the door opened and the guys walked in. "I would love it if you dumbasses would knock at least sometimes. I can think of _lots_ of things you guys wouldn't want to see," I said, putting an arm around Eric's waist and shooting them all a sarcastic smile.

Kyle cocked his head in mock consideration. "I can't think of any," he smirked. He hopped over the back of the couch and turned on MTV. I threw an apple at his head.

"Thanks!" Stan exclaimed when the apple landed in his lap. He took a crunchy bite.

I turned back to Eric, exasperated. "Can we please move like right now? And not make them keys?" I went over to the kitchen and started chopping lettuce.

Eric came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my belly. "When we move, we can fuck all day long in our bed." He kissed my neck.

I bit back a moan. Privacy sounded so nice.

After we ate, I looked around our apartment. There was hardly anything that wasn't packed up in a box. It looked so bare. I could remember the day we moved in, so excited to finally be free and in our own place. There were some decent memories in this apartment. "I guess we can start moving shit tomorrow," Kenny pointed out. He washed the salad bowl and put it in the box labeled "kitchen".

Over by the TV, Stan looked down at the rug. "I'm gonna miss this little guy," he sighed. "So many good memories of drunk Butters."

Butters giggled, inching himself closer to Stan's side.

"Or of butt sex. Although, the two may be synonymous," Kyle laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "Kyle, shut up. And, Stan, don't worry, honey. That's making the move with us. Butters will not be allowed to tarnish our new rug or our hardwood floors."

"We may also buy a tarp or some shit," Kenny added.

I glanced over at Bebe, realizing she hadn't laughed at my joke or said anything all day. She looked uncharacteristically sad. I followed her into the bedroom when she got up. "Hey, Bebe, is something up? You've been really quiet all day," I said as I walked into the bathroom. She had sat down on the bed. Bebe didn't reply and I looked atop the toilet to find something I probably wasn't supposed to. An unopened pregnancy test. "Be, what is this?" I stood in the bathroom doorway with one hand on my hip. The other held up the box.

Bebe leaned until she fell on her back against the bed. "You know what it is, Wendy. Don't be dumb." She replied.

"Don't be a bitch," I shot back. "And, aren't you supposed to tell me everything, _best friend_? Tell me about this." I sat down next to her.

Bebe sighed. "I'm really fucking scared, Wends."

I took her hand. "Well, go take it. I'll be right here." I crossed my legs beneath me and placed both hands atop my large belly. Like a Buddha

My blonde friend gave a light smile, which quickly went back to worry. "I'm only like a couple weeks late." An excuse. I threw the box onto her flat stomach and shooed her off. Five minutes later, she walked out of the bathroom with the test and the saddest look I had ever seen her wear. Bebe, my confident, tireless, best friend looked absolutely helpless.

She tossed the stick so it landed in front of me. Happy pink line side up. Not so happy though.

I gave a fake smile, never my forte. "It'll be fine, Bebe. It'll all work out. I promise you. You'll be a great mom. You always wanted that."

The door quietly opened. "What're you chicks doing in here?" Kenny asked. Bebe's now tear-filled brown eyes looked up at her boyfriend. "Babe? What's up with the tears?" He looked back and forth between Bebe and me, searching for some sort of answer. She grabbed the test from in front of me and held it out for him to see. "Fuck," he whispered.

"I'm gonna leave," I said quietly. Bebe nodded at me. I hoped nothing bad would happen between Kenny and Bebe. They didn't deserve that. I ignored Eric and the others and went straight over to my mattress. Things were sure as hell going to change with our little group. All I could do was hope for the best.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The next day we started moving everything into our new apartment, which should've been an exciting event, but Kenny and Bebe were silent the whole day. Stan, Kyle, Butters, and Eric were all very confused since they didn't know the current situation.

Luckily, Kyle had agreed to let us use his car. Otherwise we would've had to carry everything, and that would've taken ages. It was still a pretty long walk from the car to the building to the elevator and then to our unit and I was getting worn out quickly.

"What the fuck's your problem, po' boy?" Eric asked Kenny, trying to shield his concern.

Kenny didn't even make a motion to answer. He kept his eyes trained straight ahead. "Just let it go, babe," I warned, nudging his arm with my head.

Sooner rather than later, I decided I was too tired to keep making trips. I made a beeline for our bed and fell asleep much quicker than usual. I woke up to hours later to Bebe's sobs. "Wendy, Kenny's avoiding it. He doesn't want to talk about it at all. We should be talking, right? I'm just as afraid as he is, probably more so. We're really not ready for a baby," she cried.

I hugged her; I guess we do that now. "Think about how Kenny grew up," I reminded her. "There was never enough money, never enough anything. His parents obviously didn't plan on having him. I'm sure Kenny wanted to be a dad someday, but not like this, honey. He's just scared. You guys need to take things one step at a time."

The door opened and Eric walked in with a box labeled 'Cartman and Wendy- Clothes'. His eyebrows raised at us. "What're you chicks moaning about now?" he sneered.

"Fuck off, fat ass," Bebe retorted.

Eric dropped the box and left. I pulled a sweatshirt over my tank top. Bebe looked very tired so I forfeited my beautiful big bed for her cause. The boys were all over, sitting on the couch and watching TV. "Where's Kenny?" I asked.

"Who cares?" Stan replied. "He's being really weird lately." He leaned over and helped himself off Butters' plate of food.

"Everyone's so fucking gay lately. We're in college, relax!" Kyle exclaimed.

"And that's not the pot calling the kettle black at all," I said, eyes rolling.

Butters' delicate blond eyebrows crunched together. "What does that mean?" he whispered into Stan's ear.

I glared at each of them separately before walking to Kenny and Bebe's new bedroom. The tall blond was not there. I went into the next room over, which would soon be the nursery, and I found Kenny. I shut the door after entering. He glanced up at me and pulled his hood up. "I'm sorry everyone's being fucking morons."

"Whatever," Kenny mumbled. "They don't know what's going on anyway. Fuck them."

I smiled slightly. Kenny was always pretty predictable in the way he acted. "I was just a bit of a bitch to them for you. I figured they fuck each other enough, at least Stan and Butters."

Kenny smiled and then laughed, pushing the hood off his blond head.

"Wendy!" Eric yelled.

I looked at Kenny. "Go see what the fat ass needs. I'll be fine. Thanks, Wends."

I nodded and walked out. Stan and Butters were still on the couch, watching a rerun of Tosh.0. I couldn't exactly tell from where I was standing, but I think their fingers may have been entwined…ish. Kyle was peering into the fridge, a more pissed than usual look on his face. "All your food fucking sucks!" he whined.

"Well, here's a novel idea. Go the fuck home and eat your own food!" I told him, while walking over to where Eric was digging through one of the unpacked boxes. Kyle'd been such a pissy bitch lately. Maybe he was lonely or something.

"The slut wants you," Eric told me, not breaking his attention from the box.

Walking into the bedroom, I turned back to him. "Don't call her that!" Bebe was still curled up on the bed as I'd left her. "Bebe, get off your ass and go talk things over with Kenny. He's trying to put on a brave face or something, but you guys are in this together. Go!" I tugged on my friends arm until she stood up and left.

I exited the room to find the eyes of 4 boys on me. "Tell us what's going on, ho," Eric demanded.

"We're worried!" Butters piped in.

"Ew, Butters, no. We're not!"

"It doesn't matter why we want to know. You know, so you should tell us," Stan stated, protecting Butters.

I opened one of the boxes labeled 'kitchen' and started putting away the plates and such. "Yeah, I'm not going to tell you. Sorry, not sorry."

Eric came over, wrapping his arms around me. "How about just to me, baby?" He pouted his lips at me, something that probably worked when he was 10.

I shook my head sharply. "Nope!"

"Did you like promise them or some shit?" Kyle questioned.

Annoyed, I dropped the plate I was holding. "No! It's not mine to tell, got it, bastards?" I stalked out of the room and shut myself in the bedroom. Eric was close behind. "I'm not telling you! You're just gonna turn around and tell them."

"Please, baby?" He rubbed my back in slow circle and I immediately felt the stress melting away.

I caved. "Bebe's pregnant."

We both sat down on the bed. "Shit, that sucks."

"They're a mess. Honestly, I'm surprised they're still together, considering who they are, and now they have to stay together for a kid." I started folding our clothes and putting things in the dresser.

Eventually, Eric stood up and helped by hanging things in the closet. "She could always have it sucked out or whatever. I didn't want you to do that. But the sluts probably wouldn't mind."

"Bebe wouldn't do that," I said as I finished up. We left the room and Stan, Kyle, and Butters could immediately tell that Eric had told me. "Only 4 weeks until my due date!" I noticed, hanging up our calendar.

"What did he give you sex in exchange for info?" Kyle scoffed.

"Shut the fuck up, Jew!"

Bebe and Kenny walked out of the nursery and there was a sudden and unprecedented silence in the room. "I'm starved," Eric said, breaking the awkwardness.

Kyle snorted. "Of course you are, fat piece of shit."

"Let's go out," Stan suggested.

"Whatever," I replied, going back into my bedroom to change. Bebe followed me in. "So?" I asked after she'd shut the door.

Bebe was smiling, which was promising. "Everything's…better. We're getting there. I know nobody thought Kenny and I were really built to last, but I know I'm committed to him and I really think he's into this." She was digging around in the drawers, looking for something to decorate.

"I'm really glad. And here," I tossed her a shirt that was definitely Eric's, "this could use something."

Bebe's pretty brown eyes squinted with the idea of mischief. "I like the way you think, Wendy Cartman. Cartman. I don't know if I'll ever get used to that," she laughed. Bebe left the room and returned against with a hot glue gun, feathers, fabric paint, beads, and thread. After a while, the shirt was complete.

"Babe!" I yelled. "Get in here!" I could hear the boys making immature noises as Eric walked towards the room. He looked suspiciously at us.

"Da fuck do you two want?" Bebe tossed him the shirt. He stared at it. "You fucking ruined my shirt." It hit the bed.

"Are you gonna wear it?" Bebe teased.

"Fucking right," he laughed, leaving the room.

Bebe and I fell into a fit of giggles. "I want to dress cute tonight," I said, glancing down at my everyday choice of sweats and a tank.

My friend considered this. "Got it!" she exclaimed. "I bought this shirt that was too big for me the other day and fixed it up. It might fit."

We walked over to her room and she dug through a couple boxes. Unsurprisingly, Kenny and Bebe hadn't started unpacking at all. She handed me the shirt. It was pink and had beads around the sleeves and collar. I wouldn't usually wear something like it, but I didn't really have room to be picky so I put it on.

The boys had a fight during this time to decide who got to ride in Kyle's car. It ended up being Kyle, Eric, Bebe, Stan, and I. Butters and Kenny raced us there on foot. After we ate, the guys wanted to stick around for a couple drinks courtesy of Kenny's fake. Bebe and I got a cab and went home because we couldn't drink.

"Hey, Be?" I called after changing back into my comfy sweats. Eric had complimented me on my shirt, so wearing it had been worth it.

"Yeah?"

"Let's have a movie night. Sleep on the couch and relax?" I suggested.

Bebe smiled. I knew she would like the idea. She and Kenny had been so stressed. "Sounds fun. I'll go get blankets and pillows!" she sang, skipping towards the bedrooms.

A few moments later she came back, arms full of pillows and dragging the comforter off her bed behind her. We made a bed on the couch and I flopped down. Max was kicking a lot, as he did every night. I lifted my shirt, watching his tiny feet bump up against my belly. I didn't admit it often, but I was really looking forward to being a mom and meeting my baby.

Bebe let loose a giggle. "You look so….reflective." She sat down with popcorn and a diet Coke. "Don't tell me it's bad, I'll cut down soon." We watched _The Notebook_, _The Time Traveler's Wife_, and _Finding Neverland_. Kenny and Eric came home at the end of _Finding Neverland_. It was probably like 3 in the morning. The two of us were both half asleep, but still managing to cry.

"Well, this looks gay as fuck," Eric stated.

Kenny laughed. "Why are you crying?"

"It's so sad!" Bebe sobbed. "The poor little boys! Their mom just dies!"

I nodded my head in agreement sadly. "Well, sorry to mess up," Eric gestured to us, "whatever this is, but Butters is wasted. He needs a place to crash." Kenny rolled Bebe off the couch.

"Hey!" she pouted, rubbing her side. "Asshole!"

I ran over to the closest and pulled out the old rug. Eric rolled up the new one and put out the old. Kenny flopped Butters onto the couch. "Are you gonna hurl?" he asked. Butters just gave a little moan.

"Why couldn't Stan take him to his place?" I ran over to get some garbage bags to layout in case he did puke.

"Stan actually got mad at him," Kenny replied. Bebe and I were shocked. "He kept telling him to slow down and whatever. He eventually just left. Trouble in paradise, I guess."

We all laughed. "That still isn't…confirmed, right?" I asked.

Eric shook his head. "But, I mean, strangers on the street can tell Stan fucks Butters' ass," he paused. "Bed time?"

I nodded and Eric hooked his arm over my shoulders. I smiled up at him.

The next morning I woke up around noon, showered in our lovely bathroom, and changed into the shirt Bebe and I had "ruined" last night. I also put on a pair of those jeans with the elastic. It was an embarrassing day when I had to resort to those.

I walked out into the main room where unsurprisingly, all the boys were watching TV. Stan and Butters were at opposite ends of the couch and they both looked miserable. "Where's Bebe?" I asked, noticing her absence. She probably wasn't still sleeping.

"Buying food," Kenny replied, eyes glued to whatever game they were watching.

Bebe showed up with a bag of groceries soon after. She unlaced her pink high-tops and tugged them off. I glanced into the bad. "Why the fuck did you buy so much yogurt?"

Bebe laughed. "I felt like yogurt. Don't hate."

Butters got up from the couch and joined Bebe and I at the table. "A-are you OK, Bebe? I know the other guys are being jerks, but I just wanted to know you weren't sick or hurt."

She smiled at him. Sweet Butters. "I'm fine, Buttercup." She took a sip of water. "I'm just pregnant."

Kyle and Stan whipped their heads around to us. "No shit?" Kyle said.

"Absolutely no shit," Bebe replied.

"Well, fuck, Bebe. We're douchebags. Sorry," Stan apologized sincerely.

Butters smiled. "I'm glad you aren't hurt or dying or nothin'," he said.

"Me too," Bebe laughed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Feeling semi-inspired lately and it feels nice :) Hope you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

A couple days later, I was washing dishes at the sink when our landline rang. I put down the dish I was working on, planning on waddling over to get it. "I got it!" Eric yelled.

I picked up the dish again. Nobody ever really called our landline, since we all had cell phones. I was curious to find out who it was. It had been a lazy day mostly, everyone was at the apartment, but doing semi productive things instead of watching TV.

After a while, Eric came into the kitchen. "So, that was my mom," he said.

Eric was a mama's boy. He'd never stop being one, I was sure. His mom and I, though, do not get along great. I try my hardest, but I don't understand the woman at all. "What'd she have to say?" I asked, drying my hands off.

"She's coming here," he mumbled.

I turned at stared. "Here. Like to the apartment?"

Eric nodded. He knew I would not be please. "She wants to stay until the baby comes. I just, I can't say no to her, Wendy. She's on her way, but I swear I didn't know."

I glanced around. The apartment was a mess. We were screwed. "OK, well we need to clean," I said. "Hey, fuckers! You need to leave!" Having all the boys here was definitely not necessary.

"We're busy, bitch," Kyle replied. He was studying.

"Liane is coming," I warned.

The book was immediately snapped shut. Kyle stood up to leave. Nobody could stand to be around Liane for too long. She didn't seem to understand Kyle's diabetes and always hit on Kenny. Stan and Butters stood up to leave as well.

I started cleaning off the table. "How long would you say we've got?" I asked Eric.

"Around 20 minutes, if I had to guess." Eric leaned over and kissed me. "You know what 20 minutes is enough time for?"

I stood up on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck. The cleaning wasn't too important. I nibbled on his ear lobe. "I think I do know," I murmured.

A knock sent us stumbling out of the bedroom. "Do I have sex hair?" I asked Eric worriedly.

"You look great, baby," he replied. He pressed the button on the intercom. "I'll buzz you up, mom!"

After being buzzed up and let in by Eric, Liane stood in the front hall of our apartment. "Hello, poopsikins, Wendy. Aren't you both so happy I'm staying with you for a while?"

I smiled fakely. "We're really glad you're here. Right, Eric?" He nodded.

She dropped her bags and hung her coat up on a hook. Eric's hook, to be more exact, instead of the empty "visitors" hook.

"Mom," Eric drawled in that way of his, "why don't you come say hi to Bebe and Kenny? I'm sure they're really happy too." He walked with her over to the couch where our two friends were sitting.

"'Sup, Mrs. C," Kenny greeted. Bebe waved from under his arm.

Mrs. Cartman glanced around the apartment. "It's very clean. Who cleans? I know you wouldn't clean, Eric." She was right of course. And, who let Eric think he should never have to clean? She did.

"I clean mostly," I replied. "Everyone else is at class a lot and I don't have too much else to do."

For the first time, her eyes landed on my belly, which was impressive considering its size. "And how is the angel? Have you thought of any names yet?" she asked, placing a hand lightly on my bump.

"He's perfect," Eric beamed. "We're naming him Max."

"That's a nice name," Liane remarked. She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. An appalled look filled her face. "Oh, hun. Some of this food is just disgusting." She tossed some moldy tacos into the trash.

"Mom," Eric drawled in that horribly annoying and childish way of his. I often hoped that our baby would not pick up this habit. "Just stop. Wendy has the kitchen how she likes it. It's her job after all."

I rolled my eyes wishing I could smack him. Liane just ignored the sexist comment, years of being treated as Eric's slave as her buffer. I could tell Eric was already getting sick of his mom. Despite the fact that she did everything for him, Eric knew that she wasn't completely on board with the decisions he and I made. It had placed a strain on their relationship. There was no way we could make it through three weeks of this.

"Well, then," Liane huffed, "should we go watch some TV or something, hun?" Eric left to set up his mom with the TV, leaving me alone in the kitchen. Seconds later, Bebe and Kenny joined me.

"She can't stay here," Kenny whined. "We wouldn't be able to have any parties for three weeks."

Bebe and I didn't mind this since parties were significantly less fun when you couldn't drink or hook up with people. We had to agree that Liane couldn't stay, though.

Eric walked back into the kitchen, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "This fucking sucks," he moaned.

"You don't have to tell us twice," Kenny laughed. "Your mom is such a….mom." Bebe nodded her head along with him.

"I have an idea." I walked over to the couch where Eric's mom was sitting. "Liane? Eric, Bebe, Kenny, and I were supposed to go on a date tonight. Like a double dat. It's been a while since we've all been out together. I don't get out that often anymore." I sat down next to her on the couch.

"Oh, Wendy, you poor thing. I wouldn't want to ruin your plans. I know my Eric isn't the easiest person to be with all the time and I know you're trying so hard to make this work. Young marriages usually never last so I wasn't expecting much." Liane turned away from the TV to look at me.

I knew what she had just said was definitely more insulting than I usually would've let someone get away with, but I really had to work with Liane if we were going to get her to leave. "I love your son," I replied. "Even if I hadn't ended up pregnant, I'm certain I still would've ended up with Eric in the long run. You're right; he's not usually easy to be with, but neither am I." I hoped she would understand this.

"You two don't need me," she said. "I think I'll just come back a few days before the baby comes and maybe stay a little while after until you're on your feet again."

Liane seemed pretty upset and I felt kind of bad, but at least my idea had worked. "I think that sounds perfect." I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. Hugging was not my thing, but Eric was touchy. I figured she would appreciate it.

"Eric's a lucky boy to have a girl like you." Liane said goodbye to Eric, picked up her things, and left.

As soon as the door slammed, Eric hugged me up against him. "You are a genius, ho! A life saver. Magnificent!" He kissed me.

I laughed. "So, is that date still on?" Bebe asked.

"Oh, of course!"

As per the suggestion Stan made a few months ago, we went to La Mesa. It was really good and we started going there more often than the burger places or bars we usually went to. One day, after Bebe, Kenny, and Eric finished class, we went there for dinner.

I pushed myself up from the table, feeling kind of weird. "I have to go to the bathroom," I announced.

When Bebe didn't move to come with me, I nudged her. She looked up from her salad. "Oh, did you want me to come?"

I rolled my eyes and began lumbering towards the bathroom. I now walked like a 400 pound man. Bebe, whose pregnancy was just a small bump beneath her top, walked normally next to me. I pushed open the door of the bathroom and leaned against the wall. "What's up, chica?" Bebe asked.

"I think I'm in labor." I pressed a hand to my lower back, trying to ease some pain.

Bebe's eyes got round. "Well, shit!" She grabbed my hand. "What the fuck are we in a bathroom for then?"

"I don't fucking know," I moaned. I was panicking, but I never panic so I wasn't really sure how to handle it. Bebe had always been a little more….panic prone than me.

We were suddenly flying out of the bathroom, Bebe tugging me along by the hand. "SPAWN ON THE WAY!" she screamed. Eric immediately jumped out of his seat and wrapped an arm around my waist.

"You'll be alright, Wends. It'll be alright," Eric whispered to me. He didn't seem so positive, but in any other situation, this probably would've calmed me down. Between the contractions and Bebe's yelling, though, nothing was going to calm me. Kenny trailed behind us, not really one for big scenes.

The four of us hopped into a cab and were off to the hospital. After 5 long hours of labor, though I'm told it can be much worse, Max T. Cartman was born into the world. He had brown hair ("Wendy," Eric had murmured, his voice cracking) and brown eyes ("'Sup, Spawn!" Bebe had joked) and ten fingers and ten toes ("Is the kid _supposed _to be this small?" Kenny had asked). And he was perfect.

He was also a week and a half early, which meant that Liane hadn't been there. I doubted she would be very happy when she found out. And my parents probably wouldn't be thrilled either, despite their lack of support the past 9 months. However, I glanced down at the baby sleeping peacefully in my arms and the man that leaned over my shoulder with the sweetest look I had ever seen fill his face and I decided that these things could wait a few more hours.

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><p><strong>AN: Max is here! YAY! Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear from you :)**


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